Wednesday, August 4, 2004

hahaha.. guess who!? me! yeah yeah.. finally. its like a deadzone here. and im asking this again, does anyone still visits here???

well... guess its been 2 mths eh? haven't been that good though. Lots of shit happened. ALOT! a whole chunk of it. YEah, but i don't think i can remember those. so i'm just gonna crap about whats going on and about in my life now.

i've been very in touch with my ex. Chris. Well.. i can't actually say he's my ex though. He's like my bf from the past. Had him when i was 16, lasted like 2 weeks. does that count as a relationship? well.. we meet almost like 3-4 a week. And we usually talk till the wee hrs like 4-5am in the morning. Nothing much happened btw us, except that he's very eager for me to be single again, prolly wanna try his luck again. But nah.. i'm not one who goes back for an ex. I mean.. honestly, there are so many men!! And chris's like the one men i would never turn back for. Me and him, just won't do. But we're like close buddies now. It'll never go any further. And Cheryl, pls don't make him an option. :P

I'm still attached though. Ahaha... when will i ever get away from him? Guess what i did last Sat.? Right.. this's wad happened.

We kinda had a "kit-kat" aka "a break". so i went clubbing with my gf. Yeah.. just the 2 of us. We had a ball of a time. I'm not bragging but seriously, that time was the only time i had guys coming over to offer me drinks and my no. Yeah.. alot. But i didn't want. I had an ang mo, a couple of bruneians, and malay mats. None of 'em i was even interested in. I kinda broke down when they started playing that damn song "i don't wanna knw" by mario wianers. And afer that was "burn" by usher. I mean!! WHY!!? WHY do they have to play both of that song?! so i was like damn tipsy already. i called Lan..

he was sleeping alrite, and i told him i'm coming over to look for him. He's like no no, i don't wanna see u, u go back. i insisted on going down still. then he off his hp, hung up on me. Called his hse, hung up on me again. then i was so crazy to see him, so determined. i went there, climbed into him room thru the window. Yeah.. i might have fallen and die or break some limbs. That was wad i did larh.. Crazy rite? he left me with no choice!! i just wanted to see him.. and he didn't want. i had no way to contact him.. so i climbed over the ledge and into his room.

don't ask me how i did that. its not easy to explain. The crazy things u do for love... sigh..

And he wasn't touched or anything like that... sigh.. all he did was made me promise i would nvr do a spiderman stunt like that again. i couldn't. he said he didn't want anything to happen to me... but i guess its also becuz if i ever fall, he'll have to take the blame and it also kinda triggered his past memory of his ex falling over too. i don't know if he really sincerly didnt wan anyting to happene to me or just afraid that phobia of his returns again. But either way.. i don't care larh.

so i guess thats abt it. i hope i can get my internet up soon. i miss changing my blog template. haha...

alrite!! cheerios!

Signed, sealed, delivered @ 12:24 p.m.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

well well.. i'm finally back. i haven't been putting up my shit for abt a mth eh?? I kinda miss blogging. Sigh... becuz i'm either always busy with lan or i'm too lazy to make a trip down to the library. Well, so here i am. This is prolly gonna be a long one. Does anyone read this anymore????

I met someone from sch, i just forgotten his name. Abt 3 weeks ago at ECP. I was alone, drawing money frm the ATM and Lan's up at the pool hall. And he was like.. "hey twinkx, how are u.." i was quite surprised actually. See, i nvr actually spoke to him before. And the only time i actually really know him was when i was with Chris, and they kinda hang out together, but we still won't talk. Guess becuz i was really fat that time larh. Fat and ugly, no one even wanna notice u. Ok, back to him. I was like, ok, i'm fine how bt u? and we kinda spoke abt Chris, told me he was in the Civil Defence. HA HA HA. ok... then he actually asked for my no.! Wad a cad! Nope, i didn't give him. So nothing really happened afterwards..

Until last Sat, i was sleeping beside Lan and the phone rang. I have my own line, so if any of my frds who calls, u kw, would be thru my room line. And that person who called for me was thru my house line. And guess who? Yea, Christopher micheal. I was stunned, really shocked. I wanna talk to him, yet i dun wanna to. And besides, lan just an arm length away from me. I was so torn. So i had to tell him i was busy and we hung up. I was actually afraid... i wanns know how's he getting along, yet i just don't wanna know anything abt him, i wanna move forward. I was cursing myself for bluntly hanging up on him like that, and then consoling myself that wad i did was rite.

Lan knew it was him, i told him. I didn't wanna tell him, but i just happen to blurt Chris's name out. And he actually returned to sleep. Well... better that way, he's like that, he wanna act like it doesn't matter but when we happen to argue one day, he'll bring it up and u'll know it actually affects him. Well... i guess knowing that he's in CD its good enuff rite?

And another chris found me on frdster. Christopher micheal was my guy for 3 yrs and this christopher chalson's my guy when i was in sec4, for i think a mth only larh. And we spoke, i don't mind speaking to him as i didn't have strong feelings during the relationship. And i guess we've all grown up, matured, we prolly can put our past behind and start as frds. I dunno abt him, but i'm just gonna pretend nothing happened btw us and we're gonna be just frds. I have many puppy loves before, and if they ever contact me, i dont mind being frds. But now i'm attached, and Lan's so suspicious of every single little thing, it makes me feel guilty although my intentions good.

And Lan's bd's this sat, i'm still contemplating whether to make dinner at home ,have candlelight dinner in my room, which i have to sneak him in or bring him out for steamboat. I guess bringing him out would be a better choice, i'm a bad cook. Although 'er ren si jie' sounds better than hot and oily steamboat.

I dunno what's wit my and Lan now, arguing alot lately, yah... its not an uncommon thing anyway. So bad that my mum advised me to go see a shrink. I know i'm suffering form depression and depression and many stages, and i'm on that stage whereby if something really goes so wrong and i can't rectify it, i go nuts. All i think it suicide and my mum worries abt it. I just can't let go of Lan.Sigh... even though how hard i try, i still end up with him. God! help me help myself! I'm still determined to leave him though. In many ways he has done nothing my hurt me. so many, even by broadcasting it here, pple will nvr believe he did these. So i'm not gonna air my dirty laundry here...

I haven found a job yet. Pathetic eh? Well, i guess that's abt it. until nxt time!

Signed, sealed, delivered @ 01:15 p.m.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Signed, sealed, delivered @ 02:59 p.m.